by Ella Rigby If, like me, you’ve been trying to fill your social media feed with more positivity, you’ve seen the words "self compassion" crop up with greater frequency. Self compassion has been a popular topic not just on social media but among psychology and psychotherapy researchers with over 1600 studies on the benefits of self compassion in 2018 (Kirby, 2016; Neff, 2018). Research shows that self compassion is an effective strategy for improving the relationship with yourself and others, for maintaining emotional regulation, and improving your psychological well being (Kirby, 2016). Self compassion has its roots in the Buddhist tradition and has been an important practice in this belief system for thousands of years (Abrams, 2017). There is not one rigid definition of self compassion; in fact, there are several different interpretations of what this concept actually means (Kirby 2016). Tibetan Buddhist Scholar and the developer of the Stanford Compassion Cultivation Training Program, Geshe Thupten Jinpa, defines self compassion as four interrelated concepts. These key tenets include: being consciously aware of your struggles, being sympathetic towards yourself, setting the intention to face and deal with your struggles, and taking action motivated by self compassion to respond to the challenges you face (Kirby, 2016) Another prominent researcher, Dr. Kristen Neff, was the first to define and scientifically measure self compassion in a research context (Neff, 2021). Dr. Neff’s definition of self compassion involves treating yourself with kindness rather than being overly critical of yourself, recognizing our common humanity and imperfect nature, and being mindful of negative thoughts and patterns without personally identifying with them (Neff, 2018). The correlation between practicing self compassion and increased psychological wellbeing has been proven by researchers many times (Abrams, 2017). Practicing self compassion has been proven to be beneficial for improving mental health and well being, increasing healthy habits, and improving overall quality of life (Campion, Glover, 2016). Self compassion has also been linked with increasing self acceptance of one's flaws and compassionately accepting the flaws of others (Zhang, 2020). Many people struggle to be compassionate towards themselves. It is often easier said than done, especially when we are taught from a young age to be compassionate to others and not to ourselves. Some people struggle to make time to validate and take care of their emotions, and many of us have been conditioned to associate self compassion with selfishness, leading to guilt and frustration when we try to be compassionate to ourselves (Campion, Glover, 2016). It is not always easy to practice self compassion, but the benefits of this practice make it worth trying to incorporate into your life. Here are some tips that can help you to be more compassionate towards yourself. Practice Self Care Practicing self compassion is not only loving yourself passively - it also means taking action to take care of yourself and set yourself up for success (Abrams, 2017). Self compassion means accepting and loving yourself while simultaneously doing the work that you need to do to have a fulfilling life, whatever that means to you. Selfcare is not just the luxurious, aesthetic practices that we see all over social media such as taking bubble baths or indulging in a slice of double chocolate cake (although that can definitely be a part of it!). Doing your homework, brushing your teeth, getting involved in something you're passionate about, eating enough food to nourish your brain and body, and applying for that awesome career opportunity, are all forms of self care. Working on practicing the sometimes difficult aspects of self care is self compassion, because you are proving to yourself that you are worthy and deserving of reaching your goals and taking care of yourself. Treat Yourself With Kindness This tip is certainly easier said than done, especially when many of us have a negative and judgmental inner-monologue critiquing our every move. A good strategy to practice treating yourself with kindness is to talk to yourself like you are a loving parent who wants the best for their child, or as a compassionate friend who truly cares about your welfare (Abrams, 2017). When you get that bad mark, as we all do at some point in our academic careers, tell yourself that it will be okay, that you are so worthy and important regardless, and give yourself the enthusiastic pep talk that your best friend would give you to hype you up. Then make your game plan. What realistic and helpful action(s) should you take to do better on the exam? Do you need a more structured study schedule? Would going to talk to your prof during office hours help? Write down your plan of action and stick to it, remembering to prioritize your wellbeing first as you work for the success that your future self deserves. Recognize That You Are Not Alone It is also important to remember that despite how isolated we all are right now, you are not alone. Isolation in a pandemic is, contradictorily, a collective experience. Millions of people around the world share your worries, flaws, and insecurities. They also share the unparalleled experience of a global pandemic and all the challenges that it brings. Your specific experience and feelings are unique and valid, but you are not alone in them. Even though it can be challenging to do, you shouldn’t feel badly about yourself if you don’t always meet your expectations, especially in the middle of a global pandemic. Try not to identify yourself as your mistakes and struggles. You are not unworthy because of that one bad midterm and you are not a bad student if you get a less than perfect mark. Being compassionate to yourself involves recognizing that you make mistakes because you are human and that these are extremely difficult times. Remember that you have an inherent unconditional worth despite your imperfections, just as everyone else does. Self compassion is not easy, especially when you have deeply ingrained patterns of negative self talk and judgement. This is why it is important to practice noticing and being mindful of the way you talk to yourself, and to not be hyper-critical for not always loving yourself completely. If you want to learn more about self compassion, come check out the Psychology Society Self Compassion Workshop and Stressbuster on March 29th! Be well friends. - Ella Ella is a first-year student at the University of Guelph and is a First Year Representative on the Psychology Society. Do YOU have wellness tips you'd like to share with Psychology students? Make sure you fill out our submission form and send it back to us by email so we can showcase your ideas! References and Resources
References
Abrams, A. (2017, March 03). How to Cultivate More Self-Compassion. Retrieved March 10, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/how-cultivate-more-self-compassion Bluth, K., & Neff, K. D. (2018). New frontiers in understanding the benefits of self-compassion. Self and Identity, 17(6), 605-608. doi:10.1080/15298868.2018.1508494 Campion, M., & Glover, L. (2016). A qualitative exploration of responses to self-compassion in a non-clinical sample. Health & Social Care in the Community, 25(3), 1100-1108. doi:10.1111/hsc.12408 Kirby, J. N. (2016). Compassion interventions: The programmes, the evidence, and implications for research and practice. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 90(3), 432-455. doi:10.1111/papt.12104 Neff, K. (2018, March 06). Self Compassion. Retrieved March 08, 2021, from https://self-compassion.org/ Zhang, J. W., Chen, S., & Shakur, T. K. (2019). From Me to You: Self-Compassion Predicts Acceptance of Own and Others’ Imperfections. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46(2), 228-242. doi:10.1177/0146167219853846
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