by Shayndel Jim, Head Writer For many people, thinking about loving yourself feels very strange. The idea of putting time and effort into loving yourself can make people feel guilty and self-centered, creating feelings of discomfort. In a world that sings about self-love, but also stresses the importance of putting others first, feelings of confusion can arise, accordingly we often have difficulty allowing ourselves to experience it. How to love ourselves is not something that is taught in schools and unfortunately, it is not something that just happens - self-love is something that requires effort and practice, until one day it is as easy as breathing. With it being Valentine’s Day, it can be especially hard to remember to put the love that the month calls for towards yourself, but it is just as important. Here are some ways to practice loving yourself: Recognize What You WantThe first step to the journey of loving yourself is sitting down and thinking about what you want. Without self-love, you may feel like your needs are not worth prioritizing and you may put the needs of your friends, family, and partner above your own. By recognizing what you want and putting your needs first, you are taking the first step to loving and taking care of yourself. Set BoundariesThis is often something that people find the most difficult as it often feels as though making boundaries is a selfish act. Setting boundaries is a way to set the basic guidelines for how you want others to treat you, and they can help you make sure that your relationships - platonic, romantic, or familial - are mutually respectful and caring. Setting these guidelines for how you want to build and maintain healthy relationships is one of the most important steps to loving yourself because it helps you manage the way people treat you. It is okay to say you do not like it when people do certain things, and it is okay to ask that they show their care in certain ways. Surround Yourself with the Right PeopleThis is a lot easier once you set boundaries. Once you set boundaries, you can identify who follows them and who does not, giving you a chance to re-evaluate relationships and make necessary changes. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who respect your boundaries and want to love you in the way you need are the type of people you want in your life. Prioritizing people in your life who respect and value you is important to loving yourself and understanding what you deserve. Give Others Love Without Running OutIt may feel like you have unlimited love to give, but that is not the case. When you are continuously giving your love and attention to others before yourself, you won’t have anything left for yourself. It isn’t selfish to want to put your love towards yourself first. It’s kind of like how during the safety demonstration on airplanes, you are told to put your oxygen mask on before helping anyone else. You can't help others without helping yourself first. It’s the same idea when it comes to love. You can still give love to others without loving yourself, but it is easier to love others when you are not pouring from an empty cup. It can also be said that the strength of relationships you have is greater when you take care of personal needs as well. Additionally, the act of balancing self-love practices and showing love for other people is related with effective boundary setting. It is okay to say no to people when you don’t have the time or energy to do what they are asking for; it is okay to need to take care of ourselves first. Self-love can be viewed as a foundation. A strong foundation of love makes it a lot easier to build a home for others to live in and be cared for. Prioritize What Makes You HappySimilar to the first step, sitting down and reflecting is important for this. Identifying and prioritizing things that make you happy is crucial for self-love as it helps boost your mood and avoid emotional burnout. Whether it is rewatching The Office for the 15th time or going on a trip (pandemic-safe trips of course), doing things that make you happy helps you to take care of yourself while encouraging a positive outlook on life. Practice Self-CompassionSelf-compassion is the idea of extending compassion and forgiveness to ourselves when we have feelings of inadequacy or failure. By practicing forgiveness and gentleness with ourselves, we can be more at peace. We are often too harsh and overly critical, which can make us feel like it is difficult to love ourselves. By practicing self-compassion, we can remember to forgive ourselves and give ourselves room for improvement, just as we would do for anyone else. Remember, it isn’t selfish to love yourself and put yourself first. You need to take care of yourself so you can extend the same love and affection to those around you. By utilizing the suggestions above, you have the opportunity to nourish and care for a loving relationship with yourself. Have a happy Valentine’s Day and remember to show everyone in your life how much you love them, including yourself! <3 Shayndel is an undergraduate student at the University of Guelph, and a Head Writer on GetPsyched! Are you interested in submitting a post to GetPsyched? Make sure you fill out our submission form and send it back to us so we can showcase your ideas!
Edited by Daniella Mayer.
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